I've always been a sucker for sexy propaganda...

Just show me some leg while you tell me your lies.

Steve Waterman
8 July 1982
External Services:
  • stephenh2oman@livejournal.com
  • StephenH2OMan

Waterman. Steve Waterman. Motherfucker.

Hi, my name is Rick Forsythe. I live in Silver Pond with my parents, George and Edna Forsythe, and my sister, Suzanne. I'm president of the debate team and captain of my baseball team over at Silver Pond High. I have a dog named Rusty. And my hobbies include coin collecting and dry-fucking cheerleaders.

I was raised on movies and television and because of this sometimes have trouble discerning whether I've had an original thought or if I've just quoted a movie. I have amassed a great amount of useless movie trivia knowledge as well as an unparalleled talent for recognizing movie dialogue. Sadly, I no longer have a short-term memory.

I believe that Batman is the greatest literary character of our time. He is the overly-prepared perfect boy scout gone wrong. Always 73 steps ahead, can psychologically twist anyone into a pretzel and still has too many faults to count and is doomed to forever be alone. And without his enemies and all of those who would dare oppose him, he truly has no identity. That is the miserable blessing and wonderful curse of being Batman. He is our modern day Hamlet.

I like pretending to be open about things, but really I'm quite secretive about the things that matter to me most. Roger Ebert (whose reviews I read religiously) once compared this kind of behavior to stripping, where "much is revealed, but little is surrendered." I enjoy surprising people, particularly with gifts. I think everyone should get unexpected things on their birthday and I take pride in trying to figure out which things they should like to receive.

Whenever possible, I prefer to ask "which" instead of "what?" I have a unique moral barometer, but I am generally confident in my decisions. Nothing offends me more than people who take offense. I seem to view things in terms of their "butterfly effects." I can always see how each decision will affect us in the end and have wonderful foresight, but sometimes I have trouble getting through all the middle stuff. But ya know, my 5th grade teacher told me that "Genius is the ability to go from A to D without having to go through B and C." So I'll take it.

I tend to vote Republican, but am against most (all?) drug laws. I guess I have Libertarian views, but I am also staunchly pro-life. I have amazing stalker skills and probably know more things about you than you'd like or realize. I'm fairly sure I could live a pretty sweet life of crime. Whether or not I will, is still up for debate. I'm impressed by boldness, intelligence, loyalty, passion, faith, honesty, selflessness, and people with good grammar skills. It's also nice if you're comfortable with your body. And have a dancer booty. I love me some dancer booty.

I have a few bad habits, including, but not limited to: Being a slow eater. I somehow never learned how to eat correctly and because of that am the slowest eater you'll ever meet; Walking around with q-tips in my ears. I don't know how this started, but I do it all the time. And yes, it has led to some temporary loss of hearing; I gamble. A lot. I'll bet on anything with anyone. This will probably lead to my untimely death; And singing and dancing in the shower. We needn't discuss this any further. But beyond that, I guess I'm perfect.

I'm convinced the world is going to break in my lifetime, though I suppose you could make a case that the world is already pretty broken. So I guess, like, now we just have to start over and start rebuilding everything, like our houses -- and... but I was thinking maybe instead of houses, we could live in teepees, 'cause... it's better in a lot of ways. Okay, that's all I have to say. Thanks.

The truth is, I write all this (or really just copy it from my MySpace) because it amuses me in some small way, but I'm really a very angry and miserable person and despite having no idea who you are, I can already tell that I do not like you. I know this because I know everything. So, in summation:


the music is bad and you should feel bad.

11:11, 3 am phone calls, 720, andy kaufman, arguing, awkward silence, backwards thinking, bad first impressions, bad smells, ballroom dancing, baseball, batman, being impressed, being impressive, being politically incorrect, being right, being sophisticated, being spontaneous, beverly hills 90210, bi-fold wallets, bill maher, boo-urns, brandon walsh, breast-length hair, bright eyes, buffalo fingers, candlepin bowling, cartoons, cats, chasing amy, cheap-o-machines, cheese, closed captioning, competition, conan o'brien, contradictions, craziness, creating holidays, cynicism, dancer booty, dark sides, denis leary, desperation in music, edward norton, exposing people, fame, flirting, florida marlins, friends, gary sheffield, geekiness, gender balance, girls in thongs, great expectations, growling, heat, high fives, hooray beer!, hot weather, inside jokes with myself, intellectual conversation, intelligence, intelligent humor, kevin brown, laziness, littering, love, mail, making baseball analogies, mike tyson's punchout, misconceptions, movies, naming my unborn children, nintendo, nudity, orgasms, pardon the interruption, parking lot driving, passion, people who zing, peter gammon's baseball knowledge, pro-life, pro-style, puns, quoting, random acts of kindness, ranking, reasonable defiance, revealing my sex dreams, reverse reverse psychology, rhyming, roger ebert's written reviews, romance, rubberbands around my wrist, running gags, sarcasm, scrambled egg heart, seatback, secrets, self-sacrifice, sideways smiles, sincerity, sitcom moments, sitting around, sloane peterson's "warmth", sly winks, smell of suntan lotion, smokers appreciation month, special occasions, spinning, sports, star wars, steve waterman fan club, stupid humor, sunkist, superheroes, superiority, surprises, survivor, swings, swords, taco week, television, that everything's like baseball, the aflac trivia question, the best possible response, the imdb, the rally maraca, the rock music, the shawshank redemption, thongs, traveling, trivia, uniqueness, using fancy words, vanilla, victorias secret, violins in rock music, walks in the rain, warmth, when nouns are verbs, wine, winning, wit, writing, zinging, zsa zsa zsu