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I've always been a sucker for sexy propaganda...
25 most recent entries

Date:2009-10-07 08:18
Subject:(Late) Taco Week Playoff Predictions!
Mood: ready

Thanks to the WBC and the Twins and Tigers having to have a one-off game for the division (which was an amazing game), I had to delay my Taco Week Playoff Predictions. Taco Week was technically last week, but as is the tradition here are my baseball picks for this postseason.

Here is my historical record*:

2002 - Right!
2003 - Right!

2004 - Wrong!
2005 - Wrong!
2007 - Wrong!
2008 - Wrong!

As you can tell, I haven't been very successful at this in a while, but I've got a good feeling about this year...

American League
Los Angeles (of Anaheim) over the Red Sox in 5 games.
New York over the Twins in 4 games.

New York over the Angels in 6 Games.

National League
Colorado over the Phillies in 4 games.
St. Louis over the Dodgers in 3 games.

St. Louis over the Rockies in 6 games.

The World Series
St. Louis over the Yankees in 7 games.

World Series MVP: Albert Pujols.

*Right/Wrong determined by picking correct World Series winning team.

(1 Glove Slap |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2009-01-13 12:37
Subject:2008: The Year in Review
Mood: pessimistic

Well, it's a fun little tradition to do this survey.

The Archives:

2008: The Year in ReviewCollapse )

New Year's Resolutions:

In 2009, I will:

- Work out regularly. I'm not going to set any specific goals about body fat percentage this time, but I want to just keep at it and hopefully look good (or at least much improved) come swimsuit season. Yeah!

- Find a passion and pursue it, uh... passionately. Consider learning to play a musical instrument such as the piano. If attaining passion proves impossible, continue to syphon the thrill other people get from pursuing their passions like the emotional parasite I am.

- Find something/someone that can and is willing to challenge me on a regular basis in that way I like. If a person, trick them into having relations.

- Read at least three books. And I have to read Siddhartha before month's end. That's the deal!

- Swear in front of my family. This was supposed to be one last year, but I never wrote it down so I didn't consider it "official," so I'm writing it down now. I'm not much of a swearer anyway, but for a long time I've censored myself in front of family (the more immediate, the more censoring). I did take some strides toward swearing in front of my cousins this year, but for '09, no censorship. Wahoo!

(I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2008-11-20 12:31
Subject:"He said it was like going home."
Mood: disappointed

I know I'm sort of late to the game on this one, but doesn't David Foster Wallace's suicide somewhat invalidate the point of his 2005 commencement speech? Or at least prove that he couldn't take his own advice? I mean, what good does it do to remind yourself that "this is water" if you're doing it while you're drowning?

I've always liked the message from that speech (I even made it into an AIM away message -- so you know I took it seriously) but in essence his suicide has proved the opposite point. That for some of us, this reminder is not enough, that some of us are not meant to live in this world and can't breathe underwater. Our choices are to occasionally come up for air, let ourselves drown, or go out on our own terms.

David Foster Wallace made his choice. I wish I could say I wasn't disappointed.

(1 Glove Slap |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2008-11-19 20:39
Mood: hungry

My mother, who has been unable to walk and bedridden in a nursing care facility for months, can suddenly walk again. Not to mention dance. We had expected that she was going to spend the rest of her life at this "rehabilitation clinic." Now she thinks she will be out in a matter of months, if not sooner (which should be interesting considering she gave away most of her belongings).

What sparked such a dramatic recovery? A couple months ago, while RachelRachel and I were visiting, she told us how the nurses had decided she was making no progress and that there was no point in continuing her physical therapy. That it was unlikely she would ever even stand again, let alone walk. I asked, somewhat annoyed by her self-pity, "Why don't you just try to walk yourself," reminding her that if she wanted to walk again it was really up to her.

Since that day, her improvement has been "nothing short of miraculous," she tells us. I remain less than awed.

But, still, I think it's important for you to know that I'm the new Jesus. Bring all your medical issues to me and I will speak at you until you are healed by my sarcastic tones.

No Jews, please.

(2 Glove Slaps |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2008-11-06 14:08
Subject:Fun Facts About Our President-Elect:
Mood: contemplative

Hat tip to T who found this in the comments secton of an unrelated page (about CNN promising us more holograms, no less) I linked him to:

"I just took a little quiz on aol, and I learned that Barack Obama is only the fourth sitting senator to ever be elected president. The other three were James Garfield, Warren Harding and JFK.


Garfield and JFK were assassinated, and Harding died of a heart attack."

Now, while I wouldn't wish harm (and especially not death) on anyone, I would find it endlessly amusing if Obama died of natual causes in the White House after all the talk about McCain's age. Slightly less amusing? Assassination. Anyway, best of luck breaking the trend!

Oh, and here's a video about what's become of Obama supporters:

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Special Bonus: Barack's Pop-Culture Favorites! For the record, I totally agree with him about Jeff Bridges in The Contender, which, coincidentally enough, is about a president selecting the first woman VP after his original VP dies in office.

(I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2008-10-16 23:00
Subject:Al Smith Dinner Roasts.
Mood: amused

If you're a political junkie like I am, you'll probably enjoy these. Each candidate roasts the other at the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner. While they're both funny, John McCain kills. Enjoy.

(I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2008-10-01 12:19
Subject:Taco Week Playoff Predictions!
Mood: full of tacos

Well, it's been an interesting Taco Week already. If you haven't already seen, feel free to check out my videos of the opening day of Taco Week on facebook. Still, I've really been itching to do my annual Taco Week Baseball Playoff Picks and with the AL Central division finally decided (what a game!), I can do that now.

Here is my historical record*:

2002 - Right!
2003 - Right!

2004 - Wrong!
2005 - Wrong!
2007 - Wrong!

And now my picks for 2008...

American League
Los Angeles (of Anaheim) over the Red Sox in 4 games.
Tampa Bay over the White Sox in 4 games.

Los Angeles (of Anaheim) over the Rays in 6 Games.

National League
Milwaukee over the Phillies in 5 games.
Chicago over the Dodgers in 3 games.

Chicago over the Brewers in 7 games.

The World Series
Los Angeles (of Anaheim) over the Cubs in 7 games.

World Series MVP: Torii Hunter.

*Right/Wrong determined by picking correct World Series winning team.

(I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2008-03-19 12:46
Subject:Steve's Favorite Band: The Extensive (And Very Ridiculous) iPod Study -- 2008
Mood: satisfied

It was just a few years ago that LeighLeigh asked me who my favorite band was and I took to finding out via my iPod/iTunes statistics. The result, I like to say, was the greatest completely unnecessary and needlessly complicated statistical study in the history of determining music preferences. I called it "Steve's Favorite Band: The Extensive (And Very Ridiculous) iPod Study." The result turned out to be what I had always suspected (making the study all the more pointless): that my two favorite bands were The Stereo and Tool. Two years ago I did the study again and determined that my new favorite band was Bright Eyes. Last year my iPod was out of commission for most of the previous year so I skipped this study, but I'm happy to report it's back (and better than ever?) for 2008!

So, without further ado, here is Steve's Favorite Band: The Extensive (And Very Ridiculous) iPod Study -- 2008:

As is my custom, these numbers represent my song totals as of March 19th (because that was the date of the original as well as the birthday of LaurenLauren who led me to my first free iPod).

Here are the rules of the game. I set up a system that accounted for both quality and quantity (with a slight edge in the quality department, really). To do this I ranked all bands that qualified (we'll get to that in a second) in five separate categories and then gave the top ten bands in each category points based on their rankings in those categories. And then all the points acquired in those categories are added together to determine a final score and rank.

Those categories are:

Most Played: The total number of plays of all songs by a particular band.
Average Plays: The average plays per song by a particular band.
Top Rated: The number of stars above three stars in the iTunes rating system.
Total Stars: The total number of stars from all the songs by a particular band.
Average Rating: The average rating per song based on the five star rating system.

Also, I decided as a bonus, each band would receive one extra point on their total score for every song they had in my Top 99 Most Played Songs section. And a band would receive a three point bonus if I had consciously made an effort to download a complete album of theirs. Also -- as a bonus this year, there is a three point bonus if I have attended a concert of said band. (If it was a festival or big tour with lots of bands it only counts if I made a conscious effort to watch that band perform.)

Bands were ranked in each of the above categories. Each band in the Top 10 of those categories received points in reverse order. For instance, someone who is ranked first received 10 points; second place, nine points and so on. In the event of a tie, the points received for placing were averaged. For instance, if two bands tied for the most in a category, they would each take an average of the first and second place points, which in this case would be 9.5 points each.

For a band to qualify for this study I decided that they would have to have at least twice as many songs on my iPod than the average band. I determined that I have 1510 songs by 532 different artists, which comes to an averages of 2.83 songs per artist. As such for any artist or band to qualify for this study, they must have at least six songs in my music library. Based on that, the following 73 bands and artists qualified:

Weezer, U2, Tool, The White Stripes, The Stereo, The Postal Service, The Offspring, The Killers, The Juliana Theory, The Get Up Kids, The Cure, The Alkaline Trio, Taxpayer, Sufjan Stevens, Sublime, Stone Temple Pilots, Staind, Spoon, Soundgarden, So Close, Snot, Smashing Pumpkins, Saves The Day, Radiohead, Queen, Pixies, Pete Yorn, Pearl Jam, Panic! At The Disco, Ozzy Osbourne, Our Lady Peace, Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, Nickelback, New Found Glory, My Chemical Romance, Metallica, Local H, Live, Life of Agony, Kid Rock, Jimmy Eat World, Incubus, Iggy Pop, Guster, Guns N' Roses, Godsmack, Fuel, Foo Fighters, Finger Eleven, Elliott Smith, Death Cab For Cutie, David Bowie, Damien Rice, Creed, Collective Soul, Cold War Kids, Cold, Coheed & Cambria, Chris Cornell, Cake, Bush, Bright Eyes, Beck, Badly Drawn Boy, Audioslave, Arctic Monkeys, Ambulance Ltd, Alter Bridge, Alice In Chains, Aerosmith, A Perfect Circle, 3 Doors Down

And with those bands and those rules, we were ready to go. Feel free to make bets on the outcome.

Most PlayedCollapse )

Average PlaysCollapse )

Top RatedCollapse )

Total StarsCollapse )

Average RatingCollapse )

Bonus Points!Collapse )

Close, But No CigarCollapse )

And without further ado...

Steve's Top 10 Favorite Bands (Statistically-speaking, anyway)Collapse )

(I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2008-01-14 12:52
Subject:2007: Year End Review
Mood: unsatisfied

Well, it's a fun little tradition to do this survey, (Here's 2006's and 2005's) so let's go ahead and do it again.

2007: The Year in ReviewCollapse )

(I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-10-03 08:38
Subject:Taco Week Playoff Predictions!
Mood: lazy

For those of you who are interested, here are some pics of my car after I had discovered it had been hit on Sunday (Courtesy of T):

No need to worry. It's still pink and embarrassing.Collapse )

And now, without further ado, my Taco Week Baseball Playoff Picks. Since doing this, I'm 2-2 in picking the World Series winner. I got it right the first two years (2002 and 2003) but wrong the next two (2004 and 2005). Uh, and last year I just forgot, but I doubt I would have predicted what did happen. Oh well. So, here are this year's predictions.

American League
Boston over the Angels in 4 games.
New York over the Indians in 5 games.

New York over the Red Sox in 7 Games.

National League
Philadelphia over the Rockies in 5 games.
Arizona over the Cubs in 4 games.

Philadelphia over the Diamondbacks in 6 games.

The World Series
New York over the Phillies in 7 games.

World Series MVP: Alex Rodriguez.

(1 Glove Slap |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-10-01 15:43
Subject:Taco Week Begins Tragically!
Mood: fine

On Saturday night, T, his friend Craig, and I all tried to construct a system of shorthand by which we could easily track every shot in beirut games (and we actually did pretty well) so that we could later convert this information into useful and interesting statistics (and perhaps eventually maintain some sort of ridiculous "Beirut League").

In any case, after this study, I was feeling a bit drunk and thought that if I made an attempt to drive I might crash my car. So, as responsible as I am, I decided to leave my car parked out on the road in front of T's house and spend the night at his place. Imagine my surprise when the next morning I woke up to find the back tires, rear axle, and driver's side mirror of my car destroyed and the driver's side dented and scratched. T's neighbor had hit it while "trying to change the song on his iPod."

Long story short, his insurance is paying (obviously), the car's been towed to a shop, and I'm driving my mommy's Camry. But clearly the lesson here is: it's safer to drive your car home drunk than to sleep it off at someone else's house.

Anyway, the other news is that it's now officially Taco Week -- all week. So you have till Saturday to indulge in this week-long celebration designed to encourage the appreciation and consumption of tacos.

Happy Taco Week!

(P.S. As is my custom, my playoff predictions for baseball are meant to be included with my annual Taco Week post, but since the Rockies and Padres have to play one extra game to determine the NL Wild Card, I'll make those predictions tomorrow. Also, maybe I'll have pictures of my broken car to show you! Hooray!)

(I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-07-05 09:45
Subject:Purple Corduroy Delight
Mood: curious

Alton's wedding went better than I expected. They did this strange ceremony where they wore swimsuits and got married on a dock overlooking a lake. After they officially said their "I Do"s, they set off the fireworks that Adam is known for. It probably sounds a bit tacky that they basically got married at a cookout, but it also led to some fun cheering and laughter that was enjoyable. Still, it's probably the strangest wedding I've ever been to (of which I've been to two -- and the other was quite normal).

I did like Adam more than I remembered (and his fireworks show was impressive too) though I didn't spend much time with him at all. I actually spent more time with his mom, which was interesting. I knew essentially no one besides Alton, until his mom ended up taking me around and introducing me to everyone (whether she knew them herself or not). Later on, I was drinking buddies with Alton's dad and found out that he does a lot of business with the company I work for. So, if I ever get a promotion to a real position at Sager, I'll have a contact to help make myself look good.

After chilling with the father of the bride and mother of the groom, I met a girl wearing purple corduroys. After introducing myself, my first words to her were, "Nice pants." She rolled her own cigarettes and took breaks to listen to her iPod and was just a bit of a goof. I liked her immediately. I spent a lot of the next few hours vying for her attention. We drank beers and talked and watched the fireworks and listened to music. Later that night, I would find out that she's good friends with Lacey. Maybe this will turn out to be something worth pursuing...

(4 Glove Slaps |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-07-02 14:13
Subject:Hey! WHAT?! Listen:
Mood: lonely

If I were a different person, I might be embarrassed to tell you that lately I've become obsessed with Madonna's "True Blue" and that it has led me to developing my third officially endorsed fantasy. But, I'm not a different person, and that is exactly what has happened. Now, imagine this scene:

Stephen (that's me), complete with a person of his own (hey, it's a fantasy!) is lying in bed, near ready to sleep, when said person comes into the bedroom and either lipsyncs or (if she has the ability) sings Madonna's "True Blue" and also does all the silly choreography. (And ideally is dressed in something that is sexy and cute, but more cute -- like a little baby doll or a short robe.) In my mind, this would be a great way to say "I love you" for the first time (though if that's the goal you really have to add the confirmation "I love you" after the song ends) or just cheer up your person after a long day. But if it could be done randomly, without warning, and completely surprise someone -- my god, it just would be fantastic.

It's a rare thing for someone to get to be funny, sexy, and sweet all at once, but I think this would qualify. Is there a girl who would ever do this? I have no idea. But in case you're ever in a scenario where you might need to know that I would absolutlely melt if I ever witnessed this, well, now you know.

(Incidentally, this whole thing has made me like Madonna a bit more now that I've read that she doesn't perform this at concerts anymore because the song was dedicated to her then-husband, Sean Penn.)

In other news, I had my first crisis of faith in about 10 years last week and I'm pretty sure it was all Kirk Cameron's fault. I feel a bit odd saying "crisis of faith" because I haven't been particularly religious in, well, uh, about 10 years, but that's probably the best way to describe it. I think I need to do a little research on science's views and theories on infinite existence. In any case, if you have an hour to kill and like science vs religion debates, maybe you should check this out. The Science Team is a bit unprofessional and the Christian Team starts using the Bible to support its side, but it was still interesting.

In entertainment news, for reasons that'll be perfectly obvious to some, I've recently added the movie Valkyrie to my official watch list. Bryan Singer is directing and Tom Cruise is starring in this movie about a German official's plot and attempt to assassinate Hitler during WWII. Was he successful? You'll have to wait for the movie to find out! Anyway, Germany was giving the filmmakers shit because Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, but I think everything has been worked out and production is a go again. So, that'll be fun to see next year.

And lastly, tomorrow I'll be taking a half day at work so I can go to Alton's wedding/Independence Day party where I will likely know no one except the bride. I've spent some portion of today wondering if it's going to be one of the more depressing days of my life. I haven't exactly been proud of some of Alton's lifestyle choices (though in fairness, would she be proud of anything I've done?) and historically I've never been a big fan of her taste in men. (Here are my thoughts on her fiancé who I met once, almost exactly five years ago.) I have a feeling that I'm just going to think the whole thing sad on multiple levels.

But you never know. Maybe I'll like Adam more than I remember, maybe I'll have a great time, maybe I'll make new friends -- maybe, just maybe, I'll meet a girl who will one day sing me what is clearly Madonna's greatest song...

I'll let you know.

(5 Glove Slaps |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-06-20 12:13
Subject:Happy Birthday Leigh!
Mood: hungry

Uh... happy birthday, Leigh!

(1 Glove Slap |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-04-16 14:49
Subject:School is not Safe
Mood: giddy

I have to admit, I'm sort of impressed with the (alleged) Asian dude who did this. After Columbine, I made claims that I could have killed a lot more people than those two managed. But now this guy holds the all-time record and I'm not positive that I could top him. I mean, if you're that serious about randomly killing people, sit down, do some planning, and form a strategy before your killing spree. It's all about the numbers, and in that way, I guess it sort of makes sense that an Asian dude is at the helm (racist stereotype alert!), since the stats are always saying that the average Asian is better at math than the average American. Anyway, good work, dude. Though I would never have killed myself. You gotta see where this sort of thing leads and give interviews.

I, for one, am desperately hoping that this all was somehow inspired by this SNL Digital Short, which I find hilarious (the best since the Portman Rap), but I am also sort of surprised hasn't caused an uproar for making light of generally reckless murder. I would love it if they found he was listening to an iPod with that Imogen Heap song on repeat, especially since I've heard rumors he was after his ex-girlfriend. I wonder if it'll get pulled down off sites and/or an apology from NBC after this shooting at Virginia Tech.

Anyway, that song is going to be stuck in my head for like the next week at least.

(I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-02-27 23:02
Subject:Where'd you go psycho boy?
Mood: nostalgic

There's a pile of trash sitting on the floor in front of my television. It's mostly free sample gum packets, old ticket stubs from old movies, and film negatives that I've long delayed throwing away. I'm a pretty ridiculous packrat, but this past weekend I actually cleaned out my bedroom junk drawer, and besides the previously mentioned rubbish (which I do intend to finally throw out), I did find a few items of note which I think I will share with you here:

● A $50 American Express gift card from my "retirement party" at the Fairfield Inn last year. (I promptly spent it on a night out at Chunky's to see the terrible terrible Ghost Rider movie. No, I don't know why.)

● Pictures of LaurenLauren. (Including two of the original four sticker pictures from the first night we met at Canobie, and this line and this line of photo booth photos from her visit a few years later.)

● A picture of a few of the Irish Chicks. (Which is which, I don't quite remember.)

● A bunch of old Valentine's and birthday cards from LeighLeigh.

● The famed phone number of Nina Coppens, Cancer Survivor.

● An old favorite picture of me and Alton taken during Physics class with my Polaroid camera I loved for six months.

● And... an old notebook I used to write in while I worked at my afterschool job at Wal-Mart Pharmacy. Now, the beginning of this notebook is just notes about keeping the shelves stocked and a few weird games I'd play with myself to pass the time instead of working, but hidden in the middle was a list of hypothetical questions/thoughts (written in my intentionally extra-illegible secret code hand-writing) I wanted to ask/tell Alton at the time. LaurenLauren expressed an interest in reading it when I told her about it, and I figured what the hell, I'll let the (LJ) world see.

Now, let me see if I can give this some context before you read it and say (as you will inevitably have to), "Wow, what a fucking psycho." I had wanted this girl for more than two years. Amazingly after two years of trying to trick her into loving me, something changed, and she decided (finally!) to reciprocate. I was very pleased with this arrangement. (Though I still berated her for not being as confident as I was in her declarations of love. Hey, I was hardcore.) That is until I heard rumors that she was seeing someone else too -- which were shortly thereafter confirmed -- and I was essentially dumped on Valentine's Day and given the instruction to "wait for her while she enjoyed just being 18."

What's written here was apparently written shortly after my discovery and release that Valentine's Day and while it is admittedly ridiculous, besides two of the statements (which I'll note), I still understand why I was thinking/feeling what I was. Oh, and just to note, somehow this girl still talks to me. In fact, I'm one of the few people from high school she still talks to. I'm invited to her wedding this summer.

A 17-Year-Old's Raw Emotions Transcribed! (And as bad as this reads, trust me, in reality it was even worse...)Collapse )

Oh, and on a totally unrelated note: You should rent both The Prestige and Stranger Than Fiction. They are excellent.

(1 Glove Slap |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-02-08 16:30
Subject:Cancer is Gross
Mood: working

I was talking to T about this not too long ago, and I decided... I don't find anything grosser than mastectomies. You know those silly conversations couples have about "Would you love me if I got caught in a fire", etc.? If my person ever asked me, "Would you still love me if I had a mastectomy," well, of course, I'd answer, "Yes," but secretly in my mind I'd be adding, "but I'd never be able to look at you again." And I can't even imagine what it would be like to be in bed with someone after that. There's a scene in The Family Stone with a mastectomied Diane Keaton being held by Craig T. Nelson (Craig T. Nelson!) and I found it uttlerly revolting. It's completely unreasonable, but whatever. Girls, don't get cancer! Yuck!

In other news:

"Why had she told me? She told me to wound me, or out of habit or to drive me mad. I didn't care if it was a clue or if it was a plea or if it was a tease. No. She told me so I would stop her, and of course I would."

What? Well, maybe. Who knows? It was something I once trained for, but now? Would I even be doing it for the right reasons?

P.S. Anna Nicole Smith is dead and it's nearly as weird as Saddam being dead.

(2 Glove Slaps |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-01-09 09:28
Subject:Important Screen Name Information
Mood: dorky

I'm finally officially making the change of screen names from SteveWentCrazy to StephenH2OMan because having two screen names is often too confusing. ("No one can live at that speed!")


• If you know me on SteveWentCrazy, please update your buddy list accordingly. I should now only be listed as StephenH2OMan.

• If you have both of my screen names listed, feel free to remove SteveWentCrazy. This screen name will no longer be considered active.

• If you already only know me on StephenH2OMan, you are ahead of the game and please disregard all the above information.
AIM status StephenH2OMan (Add Buddy, Send Message)

Uh, that's all... Thanks... San Dimas High School football rules!

(2 Glove Slaps |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-01-08 08:37
Subject:From the "You Learn Something Every Day" File
Mood: silly

Am I the only one who didn't know that french fries were just potatoes cooked in oil? I mean, I knew they were primarily potatoes, but I thought they were mixed with a batter or something, but no, just sliced potatoes. Man, food is crazy.

Anyway, I learned that from T this weekend when he made us french fries this way. I was so impressed that yesterday I decided to cook my store-bought fries in vegetable oil instead of on a baking sheet. Long story short, I started my first grease fire, melted the vegetable oil container, burnt my finger, and had to air the house out for about an hour. But on the good side of things, my french fries took about a grand total of 20 seconds to cook, and boy were they delicious!

(7 Glove Slaps |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-01-03 09:15
Subject:2006: Year End Review
Mood: relaxed

Hey, I did it last year, let's try to keep the trend going.

2006: The YearCollapse )

(2 Glove Slaps |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2007-01-02 15:25
Subject:New Year's Resolutions
Mood: nothing

(In some particular order.)

In 2007, I will:

- Work out regularly. Until the point that I'm under 10% body fat (according to my new scale I'm at about 18-19% right now) and/or I'm willing to change my MySpace body type from "Slim/Slender" to "Athletic."

- Speak more slowly. I seem to talk too fast these days. I want to speak in a way that seems more deliberate and more sincere, so that I command respect and attention when I speak -- even if it turns out that I'm just spewing the same unoriginal bullshit I do now.

('Cause right now, when I have what I consider a pertinent thought, I get all excited -- I'm like Jojo the Idiot Circus Boy with a pretty new pet. The pet is my possible groundbreaking thought. Oh, my pretty little pet, I love you. So I stroke it, and I pet it, and I massage it, hehe I love it, I love my little naughty pet, you're naughty. Then I take my naughty pet and I go [makes ripping noises as I tear apart a roll] Ahhhh! I killed it. I killed my chance for dignified brilliance. That's when I blow it. That's when people like us gotta forge ahead, Helen, am I right?)

- Find a passion and pursue it, uh... passionately. Consider learning to play a musical instrument such as the piano. If attaining passion proves impossible, continue to syphon the thrill other people get from pursuing their passions like the emotional parasite I am.

- Find something/someone that can and is willing to challenge me on a regular basis in that way I like. If a person, trick them into having relations.

- Buy a Jaguar. Both the animal and car shall be considered acceptable, though the car is admittedly more likely.

(1 Glove Slap |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2006-12-14 15:15
Subject:Want to feel really stupid?
Mood: determined

Go play this Geography Game. My highest score is 80, but it took me about 20 tries to get that good. I do at least generally guess in the right area, but damn that Africa is confusing!

Oh, and while we're at it. In case you don't use myspace, I'm going to post my comic rip-off here too. The backstory is that the other day, I randomly messaged some girl asking her some questions about art. (Yes, seriously.) Anyway, she was from Tennessee and somehow that inspired this comic.

Basically (or in reality) I stole a Cyanide and Happiness comic and reworked it. (And then of course expertly renamed it.) So, without further ado, I give you, "Formaldehyde and Cheerfulness."

Formaldehyde and Cheerfulness!Collapse )

(Yes, this is what I do with my spare time at work. You know, that and proofread resumes.)

(5 Glove Slaps |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2006-12-11 10:48
Subject:Potential Christmas Presents for Stephen!
Mood: okay

My dad asked me to put together a list of things I'd consider acceptable for Christmas for him to choose from (I don't like knowing what I'm getting), and since I have it here I'd figure I'd pass along that list, so that you may honor me with sweet gifts. So, get buying!

-New iPod (UPDATE! -- I actually just got my old iPod fixed, so this is a lot less necessary than it was 24 hours ago)
-Coat Rack
-Digital Scale (The more advanced the better)
-Shoes (9 ½ Brown and Black)
-Dell Black Ink Cartridge (For Dell All In One Inkjet 942)
-Analog Watch (Silver colored)
-Wallet (Bi-fold, of course)
-Belt (I'm a 32, so I think that means a 34 belt)
-Long-sleeved T-shirts (Size Small)
-Any other nice clothes (Pants 32-32, T-shirts Size Small, Outershirts Size Medium)
-New Car
-Anything Else That's Cool

Amazon Wishlist: http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1XMJLKF21MOQC/

(I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2006-11-30 11:42
Subject:Job Review
Mood: pleased

Well, I have worked at Sager Electronics for about six weeks now, so I figured I should write up a little review on my experience. First, I still don't really know what I'm doing. I spend a lot of time downloading files and then reconfiguring, sorting, and filling them in in Excel. Later I upload them. I think that's my job. And I have to e-mail them to people some times. But I don't know when. Or why. I don't understand a lot of the why of my job. But when they give me a task, I do it and I do it quickly. And then I scrounge around the Internet for a while longer.

In fact, most of my job just consists of reading things on the Internet. Before work I often try to construct a mental checklist of what sites and things I should do online that work day. Where things go from there though, is anyone's guess. Today, I've spent a lot of time reading up on Simpson's characters (as well as the standard sports and entertainment news), the other day I found myself learning all about Einstein and how his brain was removed when he died and later examined by Steve Pinker.

(An aside: Hearing about Steve Pinker always makes me think of TinaTina. I think it's funny what makes you think of certain people. Whenever I hear the Cure, I think of LeighLeigh. Sharks and thoughts go to Lacey. Liam Lynch I connect with T. And of course dildos and KaraKara.)

Anyway, my coworkers are pretty nice. In fact, they may be too nice. Or, I'm just not good at nice people. I feel awkward 'cause they're all really good at greetings and making small talk, and I'm just so terrible at it. I sort of mumble my hellos and don't make much of an effort to say goodbye to people when I leave. I do try to remain part of the gang by throwing in my occasional thoughts on the recent football game and/or big news item, but mostly I'm content to rot away in my cyber world.

(Also, last week, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving I got to do a lot of bonding with the guys that work here when we shut down work and started playing poker and drinking beer. This became doubly beneficial when it became clear that I was better than a lot of them and started winning extra money.)

The whole experience is sort of funny to me. It's exactly what I said I wanted. I'm living in Office Space right now. I have a Swingline stapler, the guy behind me plays his radio at a low volume, and I always try to look like I'm working hard. I like that everyone bolts out of the office at exactly five in a way that's reminiscent of Fred Flintstone and that it's necessity that you participate in Casual Friday. (I'm wearing jeans and my new Bayside Tigers t-shirt right now -- I wouldn't even think of not participating in Casual Friday after the stares I got when I wore normal work attire my first week here.) And for the first time in years, I'm not actually loathing my working experience. I don't know that I love it, but it's nice that's it's at least neutral.

Oh, and in other news, Heather is moving out of the house. Kara and I are content to pay the extra money for the space, but if anyone wanted to give us $600 a month to live with us, we'd certainly consider taking their money. So, if you or anyone you know has any interest in living in a pretty big house for $600/month (all utilities, full cable, and wireless Internet included) feel free to drop us a line.

(5 Glove Slaps |I Demand Satisfaction!)

Date:2006-10-30 23:04
Subject:Reality is for suckers.
Mood: perseverant

Some updates on my life, since I've essentially been MIA for months. Fear not, I am stalking every single one of you as much as ever. I check up on you every day. And just because I don't comment, doesn't mean I'm not watching.

For those of you who don't remember about six months ago, Kara and I bought a new house. Shortly thereafter, I was given a promotion to "Front Office Manager" at a new hotel. I hated it. Before long, I quit without having first secured a new job. And I've pretty much been unemployed for the four months since. (And just as I had always suspected, it was confirmed that I really don't enjoy working. Being unemployed was one of the best experiences of my life. What did I do with all that time you ask? I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be.) But then last week, I finally started at a new job. I am now in the electronic component distribution business. I am a Sales Support Representative in the Strategic Sales Department for Sager Electronics. What does that mean exactly? I couldn't tell you. But it pays well. And I don't plan on ever working on weekends again.

Still, I feel like something is missing from my life. I'm not sure what it is exactly. I got an all right job that I don't understand, I own a house that is regularly being upgraded, and I even went out on a few dates with iris513a smart cute political girl. But I still feel unfulfilled. I've been listening to this song for about an hour straight and it sounds how I feel. I can't escape my every day. I can't have my mental breakdown. I can't feel overwhelmed. I feel like I'm missing out on life. Nothing interests me the way things seem to interest others. I wish something would. I want to feel passionate. I want my greatest challenge.

Last month, despite being as poor as ever, I took my first random trip in a while. I went to NJ and while the trip itself probably rated average to below average (and even seems to have lost me a good friend), to just get away for a while was exactly what I needed. It was a wonderful escape. I used to travel a lot more frequently and I'm desperate to get started again. With my newfound larger paychecks and weekends off, I figure this as good a time as any to start up with that. So, if you feel like having a random houseguest some upcoming weekend, leave me a note, and I'll make it a point to visit. There are some of you out there I would very much like to see, actually. I hope the feeling is mutual.

(8 Glove Slaps |I Demand Satisfaction!)

my journal